Leesa’s Life

Every time I turn around, just when I think things are looking up, BAM! Something else comes along and smacks me in the face. The past year, year and a half, has been hectic and frustrating. Between business and family issues, it’s pretty much just sucked.

My relationship with my daughter is strained now, at best. She married a guy that nobody in the family can stand, and although I wish her a lifetime of happiness, it’s changed the relationship that we used to have. She no longer calls me just to chat, doesn’t visit, etc. Every so often I’ll catch her on Facebook and say Hi just to be told that she’s really busy at the moment and can’t really talk, but she’ll talk later on. That never happens.

Husband and my relationship has at least gotten better. That’s one bit of sunshine in this otherwise stormy life. Not saying we are 100%, but at least things are better then they were…I’d say we’re close to 80% and moving up every day.

Business…well, that’s a whole different story. I hate being self-employed anymore. I do not like my work, I do not like our customers, I do not like our employees, I just don’t like people, I guess..lol We tried to change over to an incorporation only to find out that the so-called “accountant” that was helping us do so was actually trying to take control of our business behind our backs. He charged us thousands of dollars to accomplish absolutely nothing. We had to go to a different accountant to help us fix things and were charged thousands of dollars yet again. Uncle Sam has decided that since we are now incorporated that our tax rate should triple so that has put a major strain on our pocket book. We are now behind on taxes and I’m sure there will be a tax lien or worse put out eventually although I’ve been trying to make payments….I’m sure that won’t be good enough.

Employees have been real assholes too. We’ve had two quit with no notice…three we found out were stealing from us (they are being prosecuted at the moment), and had to fire one because he never wanted to show up for work. Hubby is exhausted because he’s trying to pick up all of their slack.

Facing THREE lawsuits at the moment too. First is the result of an accident that an ex-driver had almost 3 years ago. The person who he hit decided that he wanted to sue US to pay for damages and his pain and suffering so that’s been ongoing. Yes, our insurance will cover whatever but still. it’s a headache. Second is obviously the theft that our wonderful employees decided to bestow on us. Materials and fuel from vehicles and who knows what else. And the icing on the cake was the paperwork I received yesterday from that ONE employee who we let go because he never showed up to work. Well, he claims that my husband constantly harassed him because he is black and that is why he never came to work, he just couldn’t handle it. Yeah, right. My husband is not like that.

I’ve been having health problems lately and I know they are stress related. I can’t sleep, been breaking out in hives almost every day and have nonstop migraines. My neck and back are always stiff and tight. I’m sure my blood pressure is through the roof. I can’t talk to people without being on the verge of tears half the time. I just want to sleep but can’t. It’s an endless, vicious cycle.

So, yeah, never say “What else can go wrong?” because as soon as those words leave your lips, the “what else” WILL show up.

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Well, my daughter is now a married woman..as of…2 hours ago. She married the scum who’s caused my family nothing but pain since he showed his face. We didn’t go. Hubby, me nor my son showed our faces. I’m sure there will be plenty of questions, plenty of “you should have’s” issued when other family members see me, but you know what, I don’t care.

I held my ground, I didn’t back down just to please everybody else. I at least let my daughter have a drama free wedding day although I’m positive the rest of her life will not be drama free.

Losing It

Posted on: July 7, 2011

I’ve been so stressed over the past few weeks, ok months, and things are really starting to spin out of control. I’ve lost my relationship with my daughter, my husband, someone I thought was a true friend, now our business is spiraling downward and employees are dropping off like flies. I don’t know how much more I can handle. I keep thinking that I’ll catch a break, but instead I keep getting hit with bombs. I just want to curl up, go to sleep and not wake up. I don’t want to die (don’t worry there), I just don’t want to deal with anything anymore.

wow, thought I knew who cared about me around here. thought I knew who my friends were. Looks like when I need them the most though that they are nowhere to be seen. Apparently, I was a terrible person in a former life because karma sure is having a fun time with me lately 😩

It pours or if it’s like it has been around here, a tornado comes through, or a hurricane, or some other major disaster, and just wipes out everything that you know and love dearly. First my daughter and now my husband. I think my life is just crumbling away beneath my feet.

Prior post explains what happened with my daughter. We’re still not talking, btw. Now it seems that my husband has decided that he doesn’t love me anymore, that I’m a nuisance to HIS (it’s really OUR) business, and that he no longer wants to be married to me. Why don’t you just rip my heart out? Out of the blue, after having a nice dinner together last night, he hit me with this news. It started with talk of money, which has always been a sore subject between us but has gotten much worse since we went into business for ourselves, and it escalated from there. Apparently, my paying the bills is wrong and we should have a huge amount of savings, and since we don’t, well I’m trying to “sabotage the business because I want to see it fail”. WTF?!?! Sabotage our livelihood? Yeah, that’s my goal. I want to lose everything and live in a cardboard box down by the river. All I’ve done is try to keep this business afloat when hubby won’t look at a checkbook balance, uses his debit card like it’s an endless supply of free money, and buys $5000+ equipment because “he needs it”. And now I’m the one who is trying to make our business fail and he wants nothing more to do with me because of it.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe subconsciously I am trying to sabotage the business. I’ve wanted to sell out for years now, but nobody is interested in giving what it’s worth. Maybe this is my way of getting out of it? I don’t think so, but maybe? All I know is I’m tired. I’m tired of the fighting, of the drama, of it all. I’m tired of being the scapegoat whenever anything goes wrong around here. I’m tired of not being happy. I’m tired of being tired. Maybe this is what needs to happen. Maybe he needs to leave so I can be on my own and find myself again. It’s a scary thought, but maybe that is what should happen. I just don’t know. And I hate to think that 21 years of marriage could be tossed aside just like that.

Ugh, was hoping this day would not come, but it’s here and I feel like shit because of it. This whole deal with my daughter and her fiancĂ© came to a head today. I’ve pretty much sat back and watched, hoping that the entire situation would clear up and all the bad vibes we had regarding fiancĂ© early on would disappear. No such luck.

Found out more info today that just confirmed to me that fiancé is a downright lying jackass. Confronted daughter with this information, hoping and praying that she would finally see the light. Instead she took that light and smacked me upside the head with it. According to her, she knew all this information, she has no problem with him lying to her because she knows he did it to keep from hurting her, and she is marrying him no matter what.

I am in awe at her total lack of sense in this whole matter. Do you call it idiocy? stupidity? brainwashedness (I know that isn’t a word)? What kind of a hold does this lying jackwad have on my daughter that keeps her defending his sorry ass and standing by his side?

Needless to say, he won. He got what he has been after since day one and that is for me and my husband to be out of our daughters life. I hope he is happy. I hope she is happy. I will not be at her wedding. Neither will her father or her brother. I hope this is what she wanted. I hope this makes her wedding day the happiest day of her life…..because I have a sad feeling that it will just go downhill from there.

Those seem to be the words a couple of our employees are spouting these past few weeks. Seems like they think they are better then our other employees and shouldn’t have to work 40 hours a week BUT they want paid for the full 40. Something doesn’t seem right now, does it? How many jobs do you know (except salaried ones) where a person gets paid for hours they don’t work? And it’s not like we don’t have the work to accommodate them either. Hubby easily works 60-70 hours a week. I’m sure they could do some of his work to make up those extra hours they’re missing. This week, one employee, as of shift end today, had 30 hours in and the second has 30 1/2 hours. Both are bitching up a storm about how “mean” it is of us to require them to work tomorrow…8 hours…which even putting a full day in means they STILL won’t have a full 40 hour week. Sorry kiddos but that old 80’s song just won’t cut it around here. You won’t get your “money for nothin or your chicks for free” Adults have to actually WORK for their money. Maybe you both should grow up and try it for a change.