Leesa’s Life

Archive for June 2011

wow, thought I knew who cared about me around here. thought I knew who my friends were. Looks like when I need them the most though that they are nowhere to be seen. Apparently, I was a terrible person in a former life because karma sure is having a fun time with me lately 😩

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It pours or if it’s like it has been around here, a tornado comes through, or a hurricane, or some other major disaster, and just wipes out everything that you know and love dearly. First my daughter and now my husband. I think my life is just crumbling away beneath my feet.

Prior post explains what happened with my daughter. We’re still not talking, btw. Now it seems that my husband has decided that he doesn’t love me anymore, that I’m a nuisance to HIS (it’s really OUR) business, and that he no longer wants to be married to me. Why don’t you just rip my heart out? Out of the blue, after having a nice dinner together last night, he hit me with this news. It started with talk of money, which has always been a sore subject between us but has gotten much worse since we went into business for ourselves, and it escalated from there. Apparently, my paying the bills is wrong and we should have a huge amount of savings, and since we don’t, well I’m trying to “sabotage the business because I want to see it fail”. WTF?!?! Sabotage our livelihood? Yeah, that’s my goal. I want to lose everything and live in a cardboard box down by the river. All I’ve done is try to keep this business afloat when hubby won’t look at a checkbook balance, uses his debit card like it’s an endless supply of free money, and buys $5000+ equipment because “he needs it”. And now I’m the one who is trying to make our business fail and he wants nothing more to do with me because of it.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe subconsciously I am trying to sabotage the business. I’ve wanted to sell out for years now, but nobody is interested in giving what it’s worth. Maybe this is my way of getting out of it? I don’t think so, but maybe? All I know is I’m tired. I’m tired of the fighting, of the drama, of it all. I’m tired of being the scapegoat whenever anything goes wrong around here. I’m tired of not being happy. I’m tired of being tired. Maybe this is what needs to happen. Maybe he needs to leave so I can be on my own and find myself again. It’s a scary thought, but maybe that is what should happen. I just don’t know. And I hate to think that 21 years of marriage could be tossed aside just like that.

Ugh, was hoping this day would not come, but it’s here and I feel like shit because of it. This whole deal with my daughter and her fiancĂ© came to a head today. I’ve pretty much sat back and watched, hoping that the entire situation would clear up and all the bad vibes we had regarding fiancĂ© early on would disappear. No such luck.

Found out more info today that just confirmed to me that fiancé is a downright lying jackass. Confronted daughter with this information, hoping and praying that she would finally see the light. Instead she took that light and smacked me upside the head with it. According to her, she knew all this information, she has no problem with him lying to her because she knows he did it to keep from hurting her, and she is marrying him no matter what.

I am in awe at her total lack of sense in this whole matter. Do you call it idiocy? stupidity? brainwashedness (I know that isn’t a word)? What kind of a hold does this lying jackwad have on my daughter that keeps her defending his sorry ass and standing by his side?

Needless to say, he won. He got what he has been after since day one and that is for me and my husband to be out of our daughters life. I hope he is happy. I hope she is happy. I will not be at her wedding. Neither will her father or her brother. I hope this is what she wanted. I hope this makes her wedding day the happiest day of her life…..because I have a sad feeling that it will just go downhill from there.

Those seem to be the words a couple of our employees are spouting these past few weeks. Seems like they think they are better then our other employees and shouldn’t have to work 40 hours a week BUT they want paid for the full 40. Something doesn’t seem right now, does it? How many jobs do you know (except salaried ones) where a person gets paid for hours they don’t work? And it’s not like we don’t have the work to accommodate them either. Hubby easily works 60-70 hours a week. I’m sure they could do some of his work to make up those extra hours they’re missing. This week, one employee, as of shift end today, had 30 hours in and the second has 30 1/2 hours. Both are bitching up a storm about how “mean” it is of us to require them to work tomorrow…8 hours…which even putting a full day in means they STILL won’t have a full 40 hour week. Sorry kiddos but that old 80’s song just won’t cut it around here. You won’t get your “money for nothin or your chicks for free” Adults have to actually WORK for their money. Maybe you both should grow up and try it for a change.