Leesa’s Life

Archive for April 2011

I wanted to redo this blog and make all of my posts as positive as I could. I even went through last year and deleted a lot of the negativity because it was just bringing me down. But I guess my life just isn’t positive and you can’t write about something that just isn’t there. Every time I feel that things are going in the right direction, something happens and my life makes a u-turn right into the toilet.

Something has happened over the past two weeks, I don’t know what, I don’t know why, but husband is being a jerk about everything yet again, saying things like he’s tired of his children and he just wants to be left alone.

Personally, I think he needs to see a doctor. Husband has always had mood swings, but here lately they have gotten so much worse. I don’t know how to act around him anymore. He will wake up in the morning pissed at the world, but can’t give anyone a reason about why he’s mad. He’s just mad….at everybody…at everything…no matter what. And then the next thing you know he’s happy and apologetic and the guy that I married. A few hours later the slightest little thing will put him right back into that stick-up-the-ass mood.

He told me today that he doesn’t care about anything anymore. He’s tired of people taking and taking from him and never giving back which is a stupid thing to say because he won’t LET anybody help him. I think a lot of this is work related stress. Our business has grown into more then we can handle. However, he doesn’t want to give any of the responsibilities to anyone else. He says nobody can do it right so he’ll just do it all himself. Any of my suggestions are stupid or dumb and don’t make sense. He says we have too many customers and he can’t keep up so I suggested putting a freeze on new customer acceptance for a month in order to get things caught up. It wouldn’t hurt us to do that, but he says that will not work. It’s stupid to turn business away. So, I don’t offer suggestions anymore. If he wants to work himself into the ground, then I can’t stop him.

He blames me for the fact that our son doesn’t want to help out with the family business. He says I always have excuses for why our son can’t, or won’t as he says, help him out. And maybe I do, but I get tired of him always saying that our son is lazy and spoiled when our son works his ass off at school and all his extracurricular activities. He’s in track, football , basketball, baseball and several clubs and not to mention pretty much all of his classes are college weighted classes. He has homework that takes him hours to do every evening. If one thing isn’t keeping him busy then something else is. He is rarely home anymore because of all the stuff he is involved with. Husband doesn’t see that though. He just sees that our son had a few hours over his spring break where he could (or should) have volunteered to help my husband, but he didn’t. Our son took those few extra hours and SLEPT! Imagine that, a growing teenager who is rarely home catches up on his sleep over his spring break. What a lazy bum that makes him…..not! Husband is always bringing up how he worked when he was our son’s age either detassling corn, mowing yards, working at the grocery store, etc. But he wasn’t involved in all the school stuff like our son is so he had the time to do those things. He is also constantly bitching that everybody has their hand out either for money, presents, deals on service from us, something. He gripes that we have bills coming out the wahzoo and never seem to get ahead on them….but (and this is a big but) then he will turn around and buy things that we can’t afford. He’s constantly saying that our son never works for anything. Well, our son doesn’t know what he is expected to pay for himself because every time I say “Hey you need to save your money and buy that yourself” hubby turns around and buys it for him instead. Our son actually told him once that he sends mixed signals when it comes to his expectations of what our son is supposed to do for himself and what he can expect us to do for him. And I completely agree. Husband has us all so confused that we don’t know what to do anymore.