Leesa’s Life

Was really hoping that this year was going to be different. Since selling the business, it has been so nice and stress-free around here that I actually let myself believe for half a second that the holidays would be the same. Boy, was I wrong.

It was going fine until this afternoon. Hubby bit into my son and now it’s full on pout mode for both of them. We’re supposed to be heading to my mother in-laws’ for Christmas Eve with Hubby’s side of the family in a couple of hours. Debating on whether I even want to go at all. It’ll go one of two ways, I’m sure. 1) Hubby will pout and sulk the entire time, sitting on the couch, glaring at everybody who dares to ask him any question or wish him a Merry Christmas or 2) Hubby will act like nothing happened at all, will have a stupid ass grin on his face all evening and then when we leave pull the silent treatment on everybody. Either one will be unbearable to deal with.

I can’t believe that it is time for Christmas already. I’m so not ready for the holidays. It should still be September, not December…20 days until Christmas. Yikes!

It’s hard for me to get in the mood for the holiday blitz anymore. I’ve turned into the dreaded Scrooge. Christmas, isn’t fun, it is a chore…a dreaded chore. If I could skip it, I would.

But…I can’t. So, I dragged myself to the stores today and forced myself to look and buy gifts, gifts I don’t even care if the recipients like. I’ll keep the receipts. They can return them later if they don’t because I really don’t care. Too many times over the past few years, the holidays have turned into war zones. Last year was the whole “engagement” fiasco with my daughter. The year before it was fighting between my hubby and his brother. The year before that, a fight between hubby and his sister. I could go on, but I think you get the picture.

I think this year that I’m putting up a shield ahead of time to protect myself from more disappointment. I’m sure there will be another argument, a fight, etc but maybe if I go into the holidays with an “I don’t care” attitude then it won’t hurt as bad when things blow up? I’ll let you know if it works.

We sold our business about two months ago. For me, that was pretty much the end of the line when it came to a job. Sure, I helped out the new owners for a little while, getting things straightened out. Hubby, on the other hand, went to work for the new owner full time. He is one of these people that just can’t sit at home and do nothing. He’s always on the go so when we sold our business he knew from the get-go that he would work for them. On a side note: We sold the business because it was becoming too overwhelming for just myself and hubby to handle. He didn’t mind the work, just hated being a boss.

Ok, back to my story: After selling, about a month later, things started to turn a tad sour between hubby and the new owner. Hubby was still bending over backwards to help the new owner out, but was getting no compensation and definitely no appreciation for what he was doing. They had basically come to expect him to work as hard, if not harder, then he did when we owned the business and they were taking full advantage of it.

Today, however, was the last straw. The new owners brought in a new employee from a competing company, one that we had actually tried to recruit ourselves. Hubby had no problem with that and was actually quite excited to be getting some more help. But he was not so excited when he found out that this new employee would be his supervisor after having no experience in supervising positions. This new employee, although having worked for the competitor, was a very low man on that competitors totem pole, but I’m guessing he spun himself to look like a savior to the new owners so they’d hire him in a higher position (i.e.. bigger paycheck). Apparently the new owners don’t really check work references because this is the second employee that they’ve brought on since buying us out that has not had the experience that they’ve said they have. Anyway, once hubby found this out, he decided to talk to the new owner. Things didn’t go well and he ended up quitting!!!! So, he’s not unemployed, which is freaking me out. I know he’ll do fine in whatever he chooses to do, but it’s still scary. It’s one thing for me to be unemployed. Before we started out business, I was a homemaker and didn’t have an income coming in. But hubby has always had a job so this is a new venture for him. He’s resourceful though and will make whatever he chooses to do next successful. Just keep your fingers crossed that it is sooner rather then later because although we can survive for awhile without an income coming in, I’d rather not go that route.

Growing up, my father was a Mr. Fix-It. Give him anything that was broken and he could put it back together. He was able to fix toilets, leaky faucets, etc. around the house with no problem. Heck, he actually built the house that him and my mom live in by himself! Now that’s Handy!!! Growing up with a dad like that, I came to expect a man/husband/father to be able to fix things around the house when they broke.

So, it’s so frustrating to me now to have a husband who is lucky to change a light bulb without instructions. It bugs me to no end that this man can’t fix the small things that are breaking around the house. Every single faucet in this house leaks. His solution isn’t to replace a washer or even to buy and install a new faucet. No. His solution is to shut off the water to that sink. He’ll turn it back on after a few weeks and if it doesn’t drip, he believes it is fixed. We’ve gone through that scenario for the past year. We can’t do it anymore. the drips don’t stop no matter what. I hate to tell him, but it is time to replace the damn faucets! The toilet in our master bath has decided to not stop running. You flush and the water will not shut off. Again, the solution is to shut off the water. When you need to flush, turn the water back on to fill the tank, flush, then shut the water back off. Convenient? Not really. Fixed? In his mind, yep.

So, I decided that if hubby doesn’t have the knowledge to fix these things then I was going to learn to do it myself. I’ve been researching online and have learned what I feel is sufficient. I found that the reason the water keeps running in the toilet is more then likely the fill valve so I bought a replacement. When I got home, I had every intention of installing it. Hubby was home though and he decided that HE would do it (I think it made him feel inferior to have his wife doing something like that). So, he proceeds to go into the bathroom, tear the old innards of the toilet out, shove in the new fill valve without reading the instructions, he turns the water back on, toilet fills and shuts off, so woohoo!!! It’s fixed. Slap the tank cover back on and he’s Mr. Fix-It, all smiles and chest puffed out to here with pride on a job well done……….or so he thought.

Half an hour later, I hear water running so I go into the bathroom to find that, yes, the toilet is running. I took off the tank cover and was shocked to find that when hubby installed the new fill valve he left out the rest of the tank innards. The float is missing, the cap for the overflow is gone, the fill tube isn’t attached to the overflow…OMG! Where is all that stuff? I walked back out to the living room and asked him if he’d installed everything that was in the box and his answer was “No, there were parts left over. I didn’t know where they went and since the water shut off I figured they weren’t needed so I pitched them” What the he**?!?!? Dude, if the parts were in the box then they were probably supposed to be installed. Manufacturers don’t usually put spare parts in their products. I immediately went to the trash to retrieve the missing pieces. Tomorrow I will see if I can fix the thing myself. If not then guess I’ll be looking for a handy man to hire.


Edit:  I was able to salvage the toilet pieces that hubby tossed yesterday and replaced the water fill valve and all necessary parts only to find out that it’s the flapper that needs replaced instead.  Frustrating that a part was replaced unnecessarily but at least now I know exactly why the toilet won’t stop running.  And a flapper is a very easy fix, one that I think hubby could even do (if I would let him…..which I won’t)

So, Saturday night was my 25th (yes, I’m THAT old..lol) high school reunion. It was the first reunion I’ve ever gone to and will more then likely be the last. I now realize why I never wanted to go to one before this. Yes, I saw lots of old friends, but this reunion brought up all of those old insecurities and feelings that I had back then also.

I was not a popular person in high school. I wasn’t an athlete, wasn’t a geek, wasn’t musical, wasn’t political, I just was there. It’s not like I was unpopular, people liked me, but I was shy and quiet and basically tried not to be noticed. Fast forward 25 years later and I realize I’m pretty much still that shy, quiet person trying not to be noticed. When I got to the reunion, I immediately searched for a familiar face, found one, went to talk to her and then sat down with my husband. He grabbed some drinks from the bar and I pretty much stayed in that position until we left. Even my best friend didn’t spend much time talking to me. She was off chatting it up with everybody else, getting her picture taken with them, dancing, and enjoying herself, as she should have been. I wanted to get up and do the same, but I just couldn’t do it. I felt that people would stare at me and wonder what the heck I was trying to prove. I just felt silly and insecure all over again and just wanted to fade into the background. I had people talk to me, it’s not like I was totally ignored, but I didn’t make any move to insert myself into the conversations taking place around me.

I couldn’t take more then a few hours of it and hubby and I left at 10pm. I felt bad, but just couldn’t stay. I didn’t fit in😦 Of course, today I looked through all the pictures on Facebook and was sad that I wasn’t in many of them. Oh sure, I might have been in the background, you could see my hand here, my back there, but it wasn’t the same and of course, that made me sad and pissed me off at the same time. Sad that I didn’t enjoy myself and pissed off that I didn’t make an effort to enjoy myself. I was even peeved at my friends for “pushing” me to attend when I really didn’t want to go in the first place. Why? Because neither one stuck with me. In high school, we were inseparable. If one went somewhere, you bet money that the other two were with, but it wasn’t like that last night. We all went our separate ways. Guess it just made me sad that things weren’t like they used to be.

Let sleeping dogs lie…that is one saying that I really wish would sink in around here. Every time things start calming down, things get quiet, someone…ok it’s hubby….dredges up something to make things explode all over again.

Last post told you about the employee who totaled our truck. Well, guess what? The idiot is suing US over the accident. He totalled a $100,000 work truck and he is suing US. Yeah. Anyway, things had quieted down from it. Our attorney was working on a settlement and it looked like things were going to be taken care of calmly and quietly. Enter hubby today…spouting off at the mouth, telling anybody who will listen how this employee is nothing but a money grubber seeing big dollar signs since he knows we’re going out of business, and he has riled employee right up there in where he is now seeking even bigger $$. Hubby couldn’t just sit back and let the lawyer do his job, noooo….he has to go all Rambo and screw it all up. I understand that he is mad. I understand that this employee really has no right to what he was asking for in the first place BUT when you are in business, lawsuits are a part of that. There is always going to be someone who sees what you have and want a piece of that for themselves. That is where our lawyer comes in. He is there to make sure that those piece wanters don’t get too much of a chunk. He was doing his job, the piece that we were going to have to give up was nothing really, but now who knows what kind of check we’re going to have to write out. Just wish Hubby would learn to keep his mouth shut so I didn’t have to sit and worry myself to death over the crap he likes to stir up.

I’m crazy. Mentally insane. Cuckoo for Coco Puffs. Gone.

Events of the past week drove me there although it’s been coming for some time now. I always knew the business stress would do me in and I was right. All it took was an auto accident to give me that final nudge over the edge. I wasn’t even involved in the accident. It was an employee (he’s ok thankfully) but he was driving our newest truck (only had it a little over a year) and it totaled it (of course). Our insurance has decided to be a royal pain (aren’t they all?) and not pay for half of what we were supposedly paying our premiums for so we’re left with a ton of money owed on something that we don’t even have now. Top that off with another accident (minor fender bender) the next day and that was enough to send me spiraling into the depths of insanity. I’m talking full blown babbling, drooling, sitting in the corner rocking back and forth insanity. Give me that pretty white jacket with the long arms and buckles and stick me in that lovely room with the fluffy walls and I’ll be happy.

It drove the hubby over the edge too. We’re giving up this business before it kills us both. Bad thing though we will have nothing to show for 10+ years of hard work. No savings, no retirement, nothing except broken minds and bodies and 10+ years that we’d both like to forget.