Or as I told Amy, What pisses me off should be killed has been my motto for the past couple of weeks. I really thought that once summer vacation got here that I would be able to relax and actually enjoy my life. Nope. It’s been more stressful around here then it was when I was still dealing with all the kid’s end of school stuff and graduation. It’s mostly business related….we got a new contract with a nearby city and that is taking a LOT of time and energy to get things together.
Financing this endeavor has been hairy. First, we get the contract then find out that our local bank, who has always assured us that we had a line of credit with them, won’t lend us the money to buy the inventory we need so we had to go on a bank hunt to find one that would. We found one, but it’s been a pain in the ass getting the money we borrowed from them. I think when a bank says you are approved for a certain amount of money and you sign the papers with all the repayment terms, etc. that you should be able to get that amount of money. Well, for some reason this bank doesn’t want to do that. They are holding about $20K hostage and will not release it to us for some unknown reason. So, we’ve been fighting them on that, showing them receipts/quotes/etc. to prove that the money is being used for the business and not being blown on a tropical vacation (even though that’s what I desparately need right now).
Another problem: We thought we had all the contract terms decided between us and the city only to get a call later that there were a “couple of words” that weren’t right so having to deal with the lawyers on that to get it the way both sides want it has been a real pain. Lawyers aren’t fun people to deal with in any capacity, but these two that are working for us and the city seem to be extremely ‘pricky’..is that a word?… and have absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever.
To top things off, this crappy economy has finally started to affect us and our customers aren’t wanting, or able, to pay their bills so our income has dropped therefore making it harder for US to pay OUR bills. Again, just more stress to deal with.
What ended up pushing me over the proverbial ledge though was my printer. Yep, my printer. You’d think with all the other crap I’m dealing with that a little printer problem would seem like a teeny little speck in the big picture, but nope, when it quit working so did my mind. I completely lost it. That day I completely shut down. I couldn’t function at all. It was like a piece of my brain just quit working. I was lucky to get through the rest of that day without exploding. The next day was no better. I woke up and had to drag myself out of bed. I had no energy and again my brain was numb. I looked at my list of things to do and just started crying. That lasted ALL DAY. Every little thing brought forth the tears. I just couldn’t stop.
And unfortunately hubby isn’t helping matters any. You would think that when a husband sees that his wife is about to lose her mind that he’d step in and help, be there for her, comfort her, try to make things easier, right? Not my husband. Nope, he thrives on my frustration.
Example: I’ve been wanting to get into the pool since the first day of summer vacation. I had been having problems keeping the water clear so I took a water sample to the pool supply place. They suggested flocking, which I immediately came home and put into the pool. I just had to sweep the stuff out once it settled all the crap to the bottom. I have to vacuum to waste (meaning all that water goes out onto the ground) and I can never seem to get all the crap vacuumed out before my water level gets too low. My hubby could tell that it was frustrating me, but do you think he offered any help or even words of encouragement? No, he just sat back and offered snippy comments about how what I was doing wasn’t working. No shit Sherlock! Do you think I didn’t know that? And I told him so. His response….you’re gonna love this….”I just needed you to SAY that it was frustrating you. I could tell, but I just wanted to hear you say it”. WTF!!!! Who in their right mind acts like that? The bad thing is when I called him on it, told him that it was pretty sadistic to thrive on someone else’s frustrations and get his jollys off on things like that, he just laughed. Most days I do love this man, some days I do not.
And the icing on the cake: The lawn mower quit working yesterday. Something in the engine went kaboom when my son was mowing. Hubby looked at it and decided that it wasn’t fixable so there is another expense to add to our list of things we need, but just can’t afford at the moment. Shoot me, just shoot me now…please.
SO, that is how my life has been the past few weeks. I’m to the point that I need to get away and not think about all the crap that is happening here, but can’t afford it and really don’t have the time anyway and truthfully I’d just worry about things the whole time I was gone. What do I do? I’ve tried meditation, doesn’t help, drinking LOTS of alcohol, only numbs it for a little bit and then I have a hangover to add to my list of crap to deal with. I’ll just keep plugging along, I guess, and hope that it gets better over time. I know it will, it always does, but the days that stress has a death grip around my throat I really have to wonder.
